WAIST HIGH: Cast Of Characters Update.

4/22/2006

Cast Of Characters Update.

KERN COUNTY DRUNKARD: Don't know. Thank God.

RAMPART: The back story is that a "slightly tipsy" classmate and friend telephoned Waist High this week and left a mostly incoherent voice mail. What Waist High was able to make out was that she was wondering if Waist High still had the master list to a scavenger hunt hosted by Waist High in 1985. Waist High, remembering that she last saw the list at the home of Rampart, telephoned him Thursday and queried him as to its whereabouts. Before hanging up the phone angrily on Waist High, asked, "So is this the kind of stuff that causes you consternation?" Waist High forgot to ask if he is still giving her a lift to the reunion.

LOVELY TEENAGED DAUGHTER: Attending her senior prom this evening, but not after demanding that Waist High spend the better part of an entire paycheck on manicures, pedicures, and an "up-do." Hasn't yet had the courage to be honest and just ask for that beer money. Waist High chooses to believe that Lovely Teenaged Daughter will spend the evening drinking milk, reading the bible, and having loving thoughts about the beautiful woman that raised her, and who regrettably once told her, "I will never tell you not to do anything I have done."

THE STRANGER: Will be out on the town with Waist High this evening. And because Waist High can not talk about her love life on the internet, this is where the update ends.

TRI-TIP: Regarding the upcoming West High School Class of 1986 20 Year Reunion, told Waist High, "If it doesn't happen, fuck it. We're going to Cabo!"

PRISCILLA: Waist High's new best friend. Told Waist High this week that Waist High didn't really need to lose weight to attend her 20 year high school reunion. Also believes that Green Day makes good music, so there you go.

DESI: Will be in attendance at the same event that Waist High and The Stranger will be in attendance at this evening. At which time he has promised not to mention to The Stranger that Waist High regularly tells him intimate details of all kinds of things that Waist High and The Stranger have done, because Waist High "never thought you two would ever interface again." Reminded Waist High on Friday that she does in fact need to lose weight for her 20 year reunion.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

THE KERN COUNTY DRUNKARD
Everything at Waist High is a long story, and the story of The KCD is no exception. After this individual told Waist High in December of 2003 that she was going to kill her, "Waist High" the blog was born. Please do not tell Waist High the person that you are going to kill her or she will create "Waist High" the blog and write nasty things about you! Including the time you stunk up the bathroom at The Alley Cat. The "Kern County Drunkard Watch" detailed the drunken comings and goings of the live-in love interest of one of Waist High's most cherished male friends. Never has Waist High met anyone who drank as much as or as often as The KCD. The KCD, because she was an insecure drunk, hated Waist High for most of her decade long relationship with Waist High's most cherished male friend. She hated Waist High for the obvious reason: Waist High is hot. A one time source of much of the material for Waist High the blog, The "Kern County Drunkard Watch" was permanently retired in March 2005 when Waist High's most cherished male friend finally came to his senses and kicked her ass to the curb.

RAMPART
Rampart is the first ex-husband of Waist High. She refers to him as her first ex-husband because she knows there will eventually be a second. Rampart grew up on the mean streets of Bakersfield and claims to have been the co-discoverer of the well known 1980s dirt field party spot known as "The Place." Rampart's 1987 directive to Waist High, "Drink this six pack before I get back!" made both Waist High and Rampart parents at age 20. Rampart currently resides 4.5 miles from Waist High in the wilds of Oregon and is an enduring fixture at their local Cigs For Less shop. Once a Bakersfield Del Taco associate, Sail Thru Hamburgers drive up dude, and Wible Road AM/PM graveyard worker, Rampart claims to now net $49,000 per month. But only to impress people, not when required.

(THE FORMER) LOVELY TEENAGED DAUGHTER
Not your average 35 year old. Born to Waist High as a "Miracle on 34th Street" in Bakersfield Memorial Hospital on 34th Street, LTD is on the board of MAC cosmetics. Not really, but she swears allegiance only to them. When LTD's mother once purchased LTD some eye shadow from Target, LTD threatened to call the police. Sweeter than Tupelo Honey, with the attitude of a feral cat, LTD is disgusted with most things. Including being forced to live with Waist High from 1988-2005. The child at one time even had her own blog, "Living With Waist High," which detailed her misery. A graduate of the oldest institution in the Oregon University System, LTD kept her promise of not getting knocked up at age 20 like Waist High did.

THE STRANGER
Oh God bless The Stranger. The Stranger was one of Waist High's most loyal confidants during some of the darker periods of the blog. Although his fierce allegiance to really bad music was a great source of aggravation for Waist High, The Stranger gave her a much needed look at life. Through the eyes of someone not yet bitter. The Stranger was almost pushed out of a moving vehicle when he revealed to Waist High that not only did he not know who Barry Manilow, Captain & Tenille, or Spandau Ballet were, but that he literally had no clue what Trail Mix was.

"TRI-TIP"
Special Correspondent to Waist High, and one of Waist High's most cherished friends. Used to live with The Kern County Drunkard. Was a Special Correspondent to Waist High for 9 months before knowing it. Long story. This individual coined the ultimate mid '80s Bakersfield drinking phrase, "Lock hubs. Party!"

DESI
Waist High's former work spouse. Cares about Waist High so much that he once took Waist High with him on a smoke break the very next day after she spent $250 for hypnotherapy TO QUIT SMOKING. Was the first person in conversation to introduce Waist High to concepts like "The Dirty Sanchez," "Dog In A Bathtub," "Tea Bagging," and "The Shocker." Reminds Waist High as often as possible that if women "neglect the balls," their men will leave them.