WAIST HIGH: Gottschalks? On The Committee. Brocks? Not On The Committee.

9/02/2005

Gottschalks? On The Committee. Brocks? Not On The Committee.

From the Waist High vault comes the following transcript of Bake Town's interview of Waist High. This, before Bake Town got all famous and shit.

1. How does it feel to be the No. 2 Bakersfield blogger?
Do you enjoy badgering me BakeTown? Didn't I teach you everything you know? You may be the No. 1 Bakersfield Blogger, but I was the first. I am the O.G. You are Gottschalks, I am Brocks.

2. Why don't you write about where you live? Does it suck that bad?
The standard for "Blogging" is much higher here than it is for the Bakersfield community.

3. How in the hell do you know the birthday of every single 80's rocker?
Richard Blade speaks to me through my espresso maker.

4. Why do you think you developed OCD over West High?
Wouldn't you if you were in possession of the only copy of the poem "West High In Less Than An Hour"

The school's all green
The teachers are mean
They don't even keep the bathrooms clean

The freshmen look funny
The principal is a dummy
Mr. _______'s so old, he's almost a mummy

Mr. _______ is a ____
____ __________ makes me sick
When Chrissy lights up
_____ flicks her bic

5. What is your favorite thing to do when you visit Bakersfield? (Besides get drunk and going to Mexicali.)
I have been taking walks on the same route since 1988. I did it to loosen up my baby box when I was pregnant with My (Now) Lovely Teenaged Daughter. (More than getting drunk), it is what I look forward to the most. It begins in Westwood Estates, winds back through eastern Amberton then through Kern City, past Sundale Golf Club and then back down through Westwood. Most peaceful thing ever. Although sitting in the West High bleachers is a close second.

6. Do your friends in Oregon think you're as strange as your friends from Bakersfield do?
I don't have any friends in Oregon.

7. What is your fondest memory of your time in Bakersfield?
You really have to ask?

8. What do you miss most about Bakersfield after you haven't visited in a long time? (Besides getting drunk and going to Mexicali.)
The sun.

9. What is your reaction when you hear someone talking crap about Bakersfield?
I scare them with my crazy face. I cross my eyes. I tell them to move away because I know Judo.

10. Oh, Keeper of the Sacred High School Memorabilia - When are we going to have our 1st blogger convention?
When I start getting some respect up in here.

(Keep in mind that Bake Town is now on the West High School Class of 1986 20 Year Reunion Committee. Keep in mind that they went ahead and forgot to invite Waist High to be on that committee. Keep in mind that Waist High is the owner of the world's largest West High School photo and memorabilia collection. Keep in mind that THIS WEBSITE WAS NAMED AFTER WEST HIGH SCHOOL.)

Photo courtesy of: The Waist High Collection

CAST OF CHARACTERS

THE KERN COUNTY DRUNKARD
Everything at Waist High is a long story, and the story of The KCD is no exception. After this individual told Waist High in December of 2003 that she was going to kill her, "Waist High" the blog was born. Please do not tell Waist High the person that you are going to kill her or she will create "Waist High" the blog and write nasty things about you! Including the time you stunk up the bathroom at The Alley Cat. The "Kern County Drunkard Watch" detailed the drunken comings and goings of the live-in love interest of one of Waist High's most cherished male friends. Never has Waist High met anyone who drank as much as or as often as The KCD. The KCD, because she was an insecure drunk, hated Waist High for most of her decade long relationship with Waist High's most cherished male friend. She hated Waist High for the obvious reason: Waist High is hot. A one time source of much of the material for Waist High the blog, The "Kern County Drunkard Watch" was permanently retired in March 2005 when Waist High's most cherished male friend finally came to his senses and kicked her ass to the curb.

RAMPART
Rampart is the first ex-husband of Waist High. She refers to him as her first ex-husband because she knows there will eventually be a second. Rampart grew up on the mean streets of Bakersfield and claims to have been the co-discoverer of the well known 1980s dirt field party spot known as "The Place." Rampart's 1987 directive to Waist High, "Drink this six pack before I get back!" made both Waist High and Rampart parents at age 20. Rampart currently resides 4.5 miles from Waist High in the wilds of Oregon and is an enduring fixture at their local Cigs For Less shop. Once a Bakersfield Del Taco associate, Sail Thru Hamburgers drive up dude, and Wible Road AM/PM graveyard worker, Rampart claims to now net $49,000 per month. But only to impress people, not when required.

(THE FORMER) LOVELY TEENAGED DAUGHTER
Not your average 35 year old. Born to Waist High as a "Miracle on 34th Street" in Bakersfield Memorial Hospital on 34th Street, LTD is on the board of MAC cosmetics. Not really, but she swears allegiance only to them. When LTD's mother once purchased LTD some eye shadow from Target, LTD threatened to call the police. Sweeter than Tupelo Honey, with the attitude of a feral cat, LTD is disgusted with most things. Including being forced to live with Waist High from 1988-2005. The child at one time even had her own blog, "Living With Waist High," which detailed her misery. A graduate of the oldest institution in the Oregon University System, LTD kept her promise of not getting knocked up at age 20 like Waist High did.

THE STRANGER
Oh God bless The Stranger. The Stranger was one of Waist High's most loyal confidants during some of the darker periods of the blog. Although his fierce allegiance to really bad music was a great source of aggravation for Waist High, The Stranger gave her a much needed look at life. Through the eyes of someone not yet bitter. The Stranger was almost pushed out of a moving vehicle when he revealed to Waist High that not only did he not know who Barry Manilow, Captain & Tenille, or Spandau Ballet were, but that he literally had no clue what Trail Mix was.

"TRI-TIP"
Special Correspondent to Waist High, and one of Waist High's most cherished friends. Used to live with The Kern County Drunkard. Was a Special Correspondent to Waist High for 9 months before knowing it. Long story. This individual coined the ultimate mid '80s Bakersfield drinking phrase, "Lock hubs. Party!"

DESI
Waist High's former work spouse. Cares about Waist High so much that he once took Waist High with him on a smoke break the very next day after she spent $250 for hypnotherapy TO QUIT SMOKING. Was the first person in conversation to introduce Waist High to concepts like "The Dirty Sanchez," "Dog In A Bathtub," "Tea Bagging," and "The Shocker." Reminds Waist High as often as possible that if women "neglect the balls," their men will leave them.